


Cell Block Tango

by butterflysandbullets



Category: Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drama, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Fundraisers, M/M, Musicals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7488891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflysandbullets/pseuds/butterflysandbullets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim gets an offer for a fund raiser and an idea that just might get him in trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cell Block Tango

**Author's Note:**

> Based upon this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrrz54UtkCc)
> 
> The idea struck us... what if Jim really had been interested in acting once upon a time and to what lengths would he go to dance and sing once more. Just for fun?

Jim opened his university email and looked through the messages. Department meetings. Bake sale reminders. Updated class lists. Nothing he needed to worry about. But there was one message sitting in the box from an address that Jim didn’t recognise. It was sent from the university server, but he didn’t know the name. Clicking on it might have been a mistake in the end.

“Dear Jim,” It began. “I know it’s been a long time. I didn’t realise that you were teaching at Oxford now. That’s great. I have such fond memories of spending time with you in the drama club when we were students here. I happened upon a few photos of us from that time and I can say that I was smiling.

 This is the time of year that the drama department is in need of funds. We would love to be able to bring the same level of greatness we have in the past.  Instead of begging our patrons for an influx of cash, we have begun a volunteered based variety show. It’s been successful and we are entering our tenth year!

I am writing you to ask you if you would like to participate. I remember you being a natural on the stage and I would love to bring you back to the department. Even for one night.

Let me know if you would like to take part. Even if you don’t care to at this time, drop me a line. Coffee and conversation would be just as lovely.

Yours,

Karen Adams (nee Hoppenstadt) “

Seb walked into the study and placed a cup of tea down next to Jim’s hand, kissing his cheek as he did. He read the email over Jim’s shoulder. “Karen… was she the girl with the black hair and fifty ear piercings?”

“Yes…” Jim said with a small laugh. “She wants me to do something for the fund raiser.”

“And what have you got planned then?”

“Planned?” Jim scoffed. “What makes you think I…” Seb sent Jim a look and Jim rolled his eyes. “Alright. I’m considering it. But… if I do it, so do you. And… we’ll need... “ Jim falls silent as he thinks for a moment. “Four more people, a pair of ballet slippers, four chairs, a pair of heels in my size and um… a pack of gum.” He nodded firmly and Seb smiled.

“Why do I have a feeling I’m going to regret this?” Jim gave him a tooth smile and his sweet voice surely didn’t reflect the mischief in his eyes.

“Now Tiger, why would you say that?”

_\---00000---_

Tori sat on the floor and crossed her arms. “Really Jim. I can’t do it again. My feet hurt and at this point if I have to go through it once more… I’m going to pop you.”

“I second that motion.” Sabrina offered as she leaned on her wife’s shoulder and rolled her ankle. “I’m too bloody old for this shit. How did I get talked into this again?”

“Becasue Jim promised us cupcakes.” Maggie answered. “Let’s go home darling.”

Seb nodded at his sister and her wife, kissing them gently on their cheeks. “Thanks guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.” he said as they left. Jim rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. “Girls… head back. It’s fine. I’ll deal with… his nibs.”

Brighid and Tori didn’t need to be told twice. They kissed Jim and Seb before nearly running out the door back to their own cottage. Jim sat down with a huff into one of the chairs. Sebastian pulled another one close behind his husband rubbing at his shoulders.

“It’s going to be fine love. You are amazing and you know it will fall into line.” Seb said tenderly in Jim’s ear. “It always does.”

“I guess.” Jim said with resignation. He was tired too, but the perfectionist streak in him made him drive it to the end. Sebastian was the only reason he had pulled back. Ever. “Home?”

“Home.” Seb with a smile. He picked up the chairs and put them away where they belonged. He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Tomorrow… it will all be over. And you will be the talk of the campus again. But in a good way love.”

_\----0000---_

The stage lights were right on cue. The house lights were down so there wasn’t anything beyond the precinium. The girls were giggly and nervous but one look from Jim and they fell into line. The count of the music started and the first light came up on Tori.

“Pop.”

Then the next light on Brighid.

“Six”

Sebastian’s spot followed.

“Squish”

Sabrina took her pose as her light flaired to life.

“Uh uh.”

Jim was ready.

“Cicero.”

Finally Maggie’s puple hair was illuminated.

“Lipschitz.”

The cycle repeated itself for five runs before the entire stage was flooded with light. All six members of the small family moved thier lips in time with the words that were flooding the theater.

“He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it….”

Jim’s pose was spot on and he glared at the audience. “I betcha you would have done the same!”

The lights went out again. Tori’s light came on as they ran through the cycle once more. She stepped forward to give her monologue.

_Jim had called his family meeting to discuss his idea for the show.  He asked each of the women in his life as well as his husband who would want what parts. Tori’s face broke out into a smile._

_“Well… I want Liz.” she said. “It’s not so much… what she did. But the reason behind it. It’s silly and rather… stupid. But it’s very much like… well like me. Very… Holmes-ian.”_

_“Hmmm. Yes… I rather think it is.” Jim agreed. “Killing someone over popping their gum…. I could see that bothering your father and uncle  easily.”_

_“Exactly.” Tori said with finality._

_That evening when she and Bri arrived home, Bri put a piece of gum in her mouth.  She chewed for a while and then popped it. Bri smiled as Tori sent her a glare. Tori had disappeared into the kitchen and Bri kept it up._

_Tori came back into their living room and sat down on the sofa, handing her girlfriend a cup of tea. “Here love. I made you a_ drink _” Bri gave her look and spit her gum out.  Tori didn’t say a word but the smug look on her face spoke volumes._

Their dancing was on point. The six of them moved each other with ease. The comfort that could only come from a group of people who knew each other intimately.

The lights went down again with a follow spot hitting them each in turn. “Pop, Six, Squish, Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz.”  Then it was Bri’s turn.

_Bri tapped her red nails on the table, turning the copy of the score her father had printed out over and over in her head._

_“Six.” she said quietly. It was a little close to home for her, but… it felt right. She cleared her throat and looked at the table.  “If Tori is Liz… I want Annie.”_

_“Annie?” Seb asked, looking at the list again. He couldn’t remember all the names of the girls, but their stories were fun. “Ah… the Mormon one.”_

_“Yes.” Bri said, her word trailing off in a small hiss. Jim noticed and raised his eyebrows at her. She shook her head._

_After sitting there for a bit, Bri got up and headed to the kitchen, her intention to make coffee. But she seemed to get stuck. Jim had followed with a plate full of crumbs that were once pastries. “You alright Princess?”_

_“Honestly Daddy…. No. But I’ll be fine. It’s just… six.”_

_“Six what?”_

_“Well in my case it was two… but still…”_

_“Oh?”_

_“Yes… I was… it was right after you left. Mother went on one of her… trips and there was this new boy at school. He didn’t know how much of a freak I am… so he took the time to try to get to know me.”_

_“You aren’t a freak.”_

_“Thank you Daddy… but… I am. And well… in the end, as much as I liked him and he seemed to like me…. He wanted me to go back to Provost Utah with him…. To move onto his compound with his family and his two other girlfriends who were going to be his wives.”_

_Jim didn’t say anything for a moment, his hands clenched in fists at his sides.  He opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come out._

_“Don’t worry. Mother found out and I don’t think he’ll look at hay bale in the same way again.” Brighid smiled and kissed her father’s cheek. “I’m fine. Really.”_

_Jim looked at her sideways and began to chuckle. His chuckle bloomed into a laugh and he shook his head. “That’s g..good princess.” he said, heading back to the rest of the group._

Seb shifted to the front of the stage and gave off his biggest smiles. His strawberry blonde hair shone in the lights and he launched into his part.

_Sebastian pulled back the blanket on their bed and curled up on his side, waiting for Jim to join him.  Jim slid in and right up to Seb. He kissed him tenderly on the lips. “You’re happy.” Seb offered._

_“Why wouldn’t I be? Everything is… it’s fun!” he said with a broad smile._

_“It is.” Seb said. His voice was just north of flat, but the excitement that Jim had wasn’t shared._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Nothing.”_

_“Sebastian….” Jim warned. Seb closed his eyes and swallowed._

_“Do you remember we had a fight shortly before you… you went into IT work?” Seb asked. He was referring to Jim’s time at St. Bart’s and his relationship with Molly._

_“Vaguely. Somethings… don’t stand out.”_

_“You had sent me out on a job with… well… with the twins. We were taking care of some guy who had been doing something… I don’t remember the details now. But that night I got home and had taken a shower.  You came home, crazed. You had forgotten that you had sent me out to work and were accusing me of having been out with someone else. That I had been cheating on you.”_

_Jim swallowed as Seb painted the picture of their fight. He could see the shadows of that night in his mind. He knew that he more than likely had done something exactly like that. “I’m sorry love.”_

_“I know… I know.” Seb said, pulling Jim against him. He kissed the top of his head and held him for a while before he spoke again. “I… I’m listening to these stories… and I know it’s silly, but I… I wonder how much of it could have been us.”_

_“Never. We love each other too much.”_

_“We do Jim… we do.”_

_“Besides… what makes you think that you would have gotten me with a knife?”_

_“True. A Glock is much more me.”  Seb said with a grin._

Sabrina’s pink toe shoes were laced up the back of her legs and she grit her teeth as she pushed up onto her toes. It had been a long time since she had tried pointe and she had never been great at it. But tonight, she was trying the best that she could.

_Sabrina looked at the list and shook her head. She understood what Jim wanted and she was the perfect choice for it. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she asked. “You seriously must be mad if you think I’m going to do that.”_

_“Sabrina… you can do it.” Jim offered. “It’s thirty seconds. That’s it.”_

_“Then you do it!” Rina exclaimed. “You have no idea how painful it is! Standing with your full weight balanced on your toes on one damn foot? And trying to remember all the words too! In Hungarian?!”_

_“Rin… sweetie….” Seb tried to calm her down. She glared at him and he sat back in his chair his hands up in a peaceful way._

_“Sabrina… love….” Maggie crooned and ran her hand down her wife’s back. “Let’s think about this logically. Jim… if Sabrina tries it… once and it’s too much, would you accept a compromise?”_

_“Jim Moriarty doesn’t compromise for art!” he said, sounding indignant._

_“Jim Moriarty doesn’t get his fifth and sixth then.” Sabrina spit out. Maggie tried again._

_“James…. If it doesn’t work, maybe doing the dance without the pointe shoes then.”_

_“But that’s half of it! The grace… the beauty… the way it flows…” Sabrina’s eyes snapped up to her brother in law.  “What?” he asked._

_“The pain. The blisters. The blood and agony….” she said. “You have no idea… that’s why I didn’t dance after I learned. It was too much.”_

_“Like stillettos?” Bri offered trying to understand._

_“Worse. Like stillettos on stilletos.” Sabrina offered._

_Jim hadn’t agreed or disagreed. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at them all. Seb nudged his shoulder with his own. “Jim….”_

_“What?!” Jim said. He let out a long breath. “Fine. But… you need to try it. A few times.”_

_“No more than three. Anything more than that and you get to do it.” Sabrina said, giving him back the icy glare he was giving her._

_“Fine.”_

Sabrina twirlled and landed in her brother’s arms. As it had been choreographed. Sabrina smiled at her wife, who’s eyes were wide. She hadn’t seen Sabrina reherse the pointe once and it was impressive. And sexy. But now… it was Jim’s turn to take center stage. And as the true diva he was… he staked to the center and began to turn right into Velma Kelly.

_Jim sat at the head of the dining room table at the small cottage he and Seb had near Oxford University. They had both been teaching there again and things were good. They were good. He looked at the five other faces in the room…. Five of the most important people in his life and he had a huge favour to ask of them._

_Jim took his time to explain about the email he had recieved and how much he really wanted to do it. It was going to be hard work and they would have to lip sync, but it would be fun at the same time._

_“So… I was thinking….. As sort of a private joke between us. And a different joke on the audience. Who believe that Moriarty was indeed… wicked…. We might do ‘The Cell Block Tango’ from Chicago.” Jim said. “And naturally, I’ll be Velma.”_

_“Velma.” Maggie repeated, rolling the name around in her mouth. “I knew a Velma once….” A small smack was heard and Maggie chuckled. “I didn’t say I knew her well, Sabrina.”_

_Jim rolled his eyes. “Really you two… I was having a serious discussion and you’ve gone and…”_

_“Done nothing Jim. Go on, my love.” Seb offered. “What do you need us to do?”_

_“Well… first… we need to dance.”_

Jim tore up the stage. He was right back where he belonged. It felt right. The center spot. The foot lights… the boards under his feet. Everything.

Maggie stepped forward, following on Jim’s energy and coming out of her shell. She didn’t tell her wife or her brother in law… but she had once thought of a career on the stage. She loved it… but she also like the abilty to leave. To change her mind at the last minute. So the permancy of a long run production scared her right out of it.

_Sabrina curled up against her wife and smiled. She twirled a piece of the lavender hair around her fingers. “I still can’t believe this… it’s as if each one of these parts were made for us.”_

_“It’s true. But I have to wonder how things might have looked if we have done what these women did.” Maggie admitted.  “I could have made many an art piece with some of these men…”_

_“I’m sure they would have been beautiful.” Sabrina said. “You could have been a world famous artist.”_

_“And you would have been my muse.” Maggie countered. “I… I can’t believe I agreed to this.”_

_“I can’t believe he asked. But…. we need to get something out of this.”_

_“Oh? And what did you have in mind?”_

_“Cupcakes. One cupcake for each minute on stage and one batch for each rehershal. To be paid… out over the next year.”_

_“Hmmm…. That’s a thought.”_

_“And… we have to be somewhat fair. So… if you say that you would end up with a total of well… 24 dozen over the course of a year… You get to choose three kinds only. Or something like that.” Sabrina explained, waving her hand in the air._

_“Always negotiationg.” Maggie leaned in and kissed her. “Now… let’s see… you need to limber up some… don’t you.”_

The stage went dark once more. A single high hat light hitting each one of them as they ran through their final lines, panting in the dark.

“Pop. Six. Squish. Uh Uh. Cicero. Lipchitz.”


End file.
